Body of Lies
by Citizen Kane
Summary: Weekly One Shot Challenge. A lighthearted, tongue-in-cheek retelling of the Maenad attack. Eric's POV.


*disclaimer: I do not own the Southern Vampire Series or any of the characters featured below. All rights belong to Charlaine Harris.

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I had a bit of fun with this one. I was playing around with this weeks One Shot Challenge. It's a tongue-in-cheek recount of the Maenad attack from Eric's POV. I hope you enjoy it! I should add that this was not beta-ed.

Citizen

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I looked up from the book in my hands and checked the clock on the wall. It was already two a.m.

"Pam," I called out from behind my desk. I could hear her in the hallway, wooing our newest waitress to meet her in the broom closet later. Pam was really my biggest competition, but I never needed to compete. I chased nothing.

"Yes, master," Pam said as she appeared in the doorway. She looked down at the book resting underneath my hand with scrutiny.

"You know you'll ruin your reputation if you're seen reading that," she said smugly.

"It is research and it came highly recommended," I said studiously as I discretely slid the book into the top drawer of my desk, "And do not try to change the subject. Where are they?" I demanded. My time is valuable and not to be wasted _waiting_ for others.

"Bill said they would be here immediately after she leaves work," she said bluntly.

"Not good enough," I said curtly, "Call them both, now. Find out the reason for the delay."

"Yes, _master_," she said, sounding irritated.

I could just choke her when she behaves like that, such a petulant child. Sometimes I think I have given her too much rope. Just then I heard the back door burst open and voices coming from down the corridor. I rose from my desk and, just as I did, Bill stormed my office unannounced holding her in his arms. And she was bleeding…

"This is on your account," he said venomously. He began needlessly shaking her for dramatic effect and she let out a long moan. So this is how Bill makes his women moan, by shaking them vigorously._ Not my method of choice_ I though to myself.

"Go to hell," she said assertively.

"What, my darling?" Bill cooed. He is so over the top.

"Go to hell!" she yelled. She was smart to tell him this but clearly did not understand the concept. Silly Christians.

"We must lay her on her stomach on the couch. Here, let me." I reached for her legs. It was just unfortunate she was wearing pants. We gently laid her face down on my leather sofa. This small crisis was clearly in my hands.

"Pam, call the doctor," I ordered, taking the reigns swiftly. I crouched down to eye level with the girl. She was in great pain, but even then she was appealing to the eye. I noticed her admiringly assessing my chest and shoulders. I suppose even in her delirium she appreciated quality. "What has happened to you?"

She looked me in the eyes and gave me a hard look of longing and lust before she spoke. "I am a message to you," she whispered sweetly, "This woman in the woods made Bill's car stop, and maybe even made us argue, and then she came up to me with this hog."

"A _pig_?" How odd.

"Oink, oink," Sookie said weakly, "Razorback. Wild pig. And she said she wanted to send you a message, and I turned in time to keep her from getting my face, but she got my back, and then she left."

"Your face. She would have gotten your face. Eric, her cuts are not so deep. What's wrong with her?" Bill was clueless, as usual, as he wandered aimlessly around my office. I ignored him and turned my attention back to the injured girl.

"Sookie," I said tenderly. She needed someone to be strong for her now since Bill was clearly not up to the task. "What did this woman look like?"

I had unconsciously moved closer and closer to her until our hair almost touched and I noticed it was the identical color. She breathed me in deeply.

"She looked nuts, I'll tell you how she looked. And she called you Eric Northman," she said limply.

"That's the last name I use for human dealings," I said dismissively, "By looking nuts," I said slowly, "you mean she looked…how?" Pecan? Pistachio? Did she have the shell of a walnut? You never can tell these days with the common abuse of language.

"Her clothes were all ragged, and she had blood around her mouth and in her teeth, like she'd just eaten something raw," she paused thinking, "She was carrying this kind of wand thing, with something on the end of it. Her hair was long and tangled," she paused breathlessly. It must be Callisto. That mad woman better not be intending on having me as the tribute. Not after last time. It took days to remove the odor.

"Look, speaking of hair, my hair is getting stuck to my back."

"Yes, I see," I had been noticing the exposed flesh of her back and the wound it revealed. I hovered my hand over her skin for just a moment before I began separate the silken stands from her coagulating blood. It was the first time I had touched her skin. I am certain if she were not so distracted she would have been quite pleased by this and held a great admiration for my dexterity. Pam quickly returned with Dr. Ludwig whom I rose to greet. As a goblin she was only knee high in stature, but also a very skilled mystical medicine practitioner.

"What kind of doctor are you?" the girl asked apprehensively.

"The healing kind. You have been poisoned," she said in a masculine tone. It was nothing like the melodic ring of the human girls' voice.

"So that's why I keep thinking I'm gonna die," she murmured, hopelessly.

"You will, quite soon." That seems dramatic. There must be some other option.

"Thanks a lot, Doc," the girl said sarcastically. At least she was keeping her sense of humor about her. "What can you do about that?"

"Your bloodstream has been compromised. And your blood must be removed and replaced. That is a job for the vampires." Ahh, there is always a silver lining.

"If only one of you takes the poisoned blood, that one will be pretty miserable. It's the element of magic that the maenad imparts. The Komodo dragon bite would be no problem for you guys," she laughed huskily, "So, when I'm finished, each of you take a turn, removing just a little. Then we'll give her a transfusion." And then the girl began to cry from misery. I found I had to look away.

"Of human blood," she whispered. I raised my brow and peered down at her. Did she think we would change her in this condition? Since Bubba we do not make such mistakes.

"If Eric can pull some strings and get the human blood, at least half the transfusion can be synthetic. I'm Dr. Ludwig, by the way."

"I can get the blood, and we owe her the healing. What is your type, Sookie?" I said sharply. The doctor was wasting time with frivolous introductions. We needed to act.

"O positive," the girl whispered. Oh, delicious.

"That shouldn't be a problem. Can you take care of that, Pam?" I said in a tone that let her know this was not a question. She nodded and left the room to make some calls.

The doctor approached the girl, bypassing Bill, and began licking the wound on her back. I watched this action with intensity while some exchange occurred between the three of them. I could tell the girl was not interested in this method for remediation by the way she writhed underneath the tongue.

"She is the healer. You must accept her treatment," I said directly.

"Oh, all right," she said, relenting to my words, "By the way, I haven't heard an 'I'm sorry' from you yet." She wanted to hear my reassuring voice, clearly.

"I am sorry that the maenad picked on you," I said briefly. I know she wished to have my attention, but now was not the time.

"Not enough," she said coaxingly and gave me a deep look of desire. I looked her directly in the eye and decided to give her exactly what she was after_. And when she heals, I will give her what she is really after_ I thought slyly to myself._ I will give it to her on this very couch, in fact._

"Angelic Sookie, vision of love and beauty, I am prostrate that the wicked, evil maenad violated your smooth and voluptuous body, in an attempt to deliver a message to me."

"That's more like it," she said humbly, and paused, overwhelmed by my words, "I take it the message means that she's going to war with you?" She was streaming with tears and her complextion had developed a green tinge. We were cutting it very close.

"Not exactly," I said slowly as I watched her face go sallow and her eyes glaze over, "Pam?"

"It's on the way. This is bad," Pam said after observing the same change in the girl I had.

"Start! She's changing color!" Bill said, with great anxiety.

"Yes," said the healer, "if there's to be any hope."

I looked at the worried face of the girl and gave her a reassuring look and a wink. I would not fail.

I took my turn extracting the poisonous blood first. The bouquet was excellent and her blood was exquisite, even with the poison. Her skin was succulent to my lips and I was sorry when it came to an end. When I finished, I kept her limp warm body on my lap for a few moments to admire the view, and also because I had become quite aroused. I ran my hand up and down her arm a few times, stroking it gently. My hand was so close to her breasts, I could just reach over and suckle them. It would be so easy to undress her now and---

"Eric," Bill said abruptly. I looked down at the body of the girl once more.

"Bill," I said to the sodden farmer. I cradled her body to mine as I stood and waited for Bill to be seated on my sofa. Then I gently put her down in position for his extraction.

I walked back to my desk and sat, shuffling invoices, as I watched him carefully begin the procedure. He looked at her with great endearment.

How he loved this girl, it seemed quite ridiculous. I understood the attraction certainly, but the connection, no. I suppose she was somewhat unique and she did hold some fascinating qualities, for a human. Her body was quite voluptuous and her attractions many, so the physical aspect, I could see that. But love? No, I don't see that. She did possess a fire and wisdom that were surprising. Somehow she was simultaneously very aware and experienced, which I could relate to, but innocent and pure, as well. Naïve, perhaps, and not, all at once.

Very strange.

She will come to me one day begging to to taken by me, without a doubt. But will she? Is she so in enamored with Bill? Bill is the worst kind of vampire, what redeeming quality could she see in him, especially in comparison with me. She will just need to see me more and it will come to her. It always does. They always come around. And if the glamor worked, I would have had her the first night, and she would certainly be at my feet now pleading for more. But the glamor did not work.

That was very annoying.

"Even if she was dead, you'd still want to fuck her, wouldn't you?" Pam chimed in as she perched on the edge of my desk. I laughed incredulously at her observation.

"I saw you, don't deny it. She is as limp as a crepe and you were over there stroking her arm. You are probably hoping this doesn't work, because as of right now, that's the only way you will have her. Over her dead body." she said antagonistically and laughed. I grinned at her revealing my fangs.

"Do not underestimate me, Pam. I will have her. She will be on her knees for me after she is done with that one," I said nodding my head swiftly to Bill, "And without a cure, I'm compassionate about killing her myself. I would not wish to prolong the suffering. But I'd have my way with what's left of the will of her," I said wickedly, and Pam laughed long and hard.

"You know that's called necrophilia, fucking corpses. People really do that. It's quite a fetish is some areas. Disgusting humans," she said shaking her head, still amused.

"Yes. But that would make everyone who has ever fucked a vampire a necrophiliac, because technically, we are all dead," I said intelligently.

Her forehead creased as her brow furrowed and she appeared in thought.

"Touché. Quite poignant," she said considering the logic, "Maybe we should have a necrophilia night at Fangtasia?" she said mischievously.

"Perhaps. Speaking of my business, you need to go check the bar and prepare Chow for his turn," I said, referring to the blood extraction.

"Yes, master," she said obediently and headed out of my office.

When Pam left the room I glanced up at Bill, who was still cradling the unconscious girl, and I pulled my book from the top drawer. The publication had fallen from the girls' purse on one of her visits to practice her telepathy on the staff. It was a romance novel with a man on the cover who slightly resembled myself. This was probably some clue she was leaving me so I thought I should read it. As it turns out, if she is interested in any of the things written here, we could get along famously.

I smiled to myself as I read the fantasies of the human girls' mind. _Yes, I can accommodate this _I said to myself as I turned the page and looked up at the body of the girl, the body of Sookie.


End file.
